Contrary to my more prominent beliefs – I’m going to have to concede to the fact that there are certain areas where men do indeed have it tough.

From personal observations and purely anecdotal research, of course, I have often found men to be the more dramatic, less consistent counterparts in any relationship dynamic.

I understand that we women are supposed to be the meek, lost without men, damsel in distresses as patriarchal societies will have you believe. And please don’t misunderstand me, some women can fit the characteristics previously outlined perfectly. But also consider that some men, like some  women, can get a little bit carried away with the emotional turbulence often encountered in the dating stratosphere. Perhaps we’re not from Mars and Venus after all. Maybe we all exist on planet Earth and are not all that different.

It has become clear to me that romance is only a stones throw away from creepy and availability lives right next door to desperation. It can honestly be a matter of perception and subjectivity.

This still probably isn’t all that clear – let me give you a for instance.

Two guys can send the exact same message and receive a completely different reaction. The only catch is, the men aren’t the exact same. No. One guy is someone you went on one date with before deciding you had zero chemistry with him and the other guy is the dream boat, aka. the epitome of your ‘type’. Almost like you didn’t know what your type even was until you met him.

Got a visual in mind ladies? Is Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ playing in your head? Good. Cue the sigh and now lets move on.

Both of these bachelors could say something along the lines of ‘hi blah, it was such a pleasure seeing you. I’d really love to do it again sometime – yada yada something about sport, yada, something about Vin Diesel.’ – Side note, my ability to take on the male perspective has always been somewhat handicapped.

However, my point is this. If she’s not into the guy she will go red and feel like he’s suffocating her. But if he’s her dream man she will feel like she’s inside a Taylor Swift song.

See guys, this is why women have little to offer you when you ask for dating advice because the right thing to do will only be right if she’s into you and if she doesn’t like you she’ll assume you’re obsessed and the escalation of her ego will be a new science experiment for kids. Like the avocado pit in the glass jar.

I’m not going to lie, I myself have been in situations when dating, where one guy will act in a way that I perceive to be needy, clueless and presumptuous. And then the next guy will act in similar ways, ie. will always check in, will give me compliments and continuously set up new dates and I have found it refreshing, like he’s the first guy to be so nice.

It’s terrible isn’t it?

Well here’s where it gets worse. Every time a girl gets screwed over by a guy – which seems to be often FYI, please take a moment to pause for reflection as to why men can be so mean – they will utter the words ‘why can’t I find someone who will treat me better?’

And a group of girls will shamelessly all sit there nodding their heads and feeling sorry for themselves.  Selectively disregarding all the nice guys whose calls were never answered, overly cute emoji’s that were never reciprocated and empty seats that were left when we girls said no to the prepaid concert ticket the unaware guy had bought for us.

This leaves me with the impression that men can’t honestly do much right except read the signals presented to them on the date. Really consider: is this woman into me? And if the answer is no, bow out gracefully and don’t start letting your imagination run rampant. Because trust me ain’t no excuse big enough to compensate for the gap in affection that will be developing. No – maybe she likes being chased, maybe she’s not very good at responding to text messages, maybe her goat really did get food poisoning and that’s why she left the date before the dessert menu was brought round. M8, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if you’ve encountered behaviour like this from your crush, then it’s safe to say she is not so into you and if you’re not backing off you might look a lil’ bit needy. [Psycho Killer…run, run, run.]

Pardon my lack of bashfulness but it has occurred to me that desperate women have been the butt of everyones jokes since, I don’t know we started getting careers and men couldn’t handle the independence. Because our rancid odour of desperation could be the only reason why we weren’t getting married and abandoning our jobs. And so it’s time to announce that men deserve some of the flack. That men can also be inappropriate and obsessive. Only sometimes it’s worse because they aren’t as self aware as we women are. They haven’t had the biological clock joke thrown in their face every time they act needy.

Having said that, sometimes the problem isn’t even neediness or obsession. Sometimes someone can be so nice and flawless that it would make the most sense to become besotted with them. But that’s the thing about ‘good on paper’ people, they’re often traded in for leather wearing alcoholics that are mean to us. But as it goes, the nice guy will always be there to hear about how we wish the ‘Hells Angel’ could be more like them.

Nevertheless, we must remember that we can be the perpetrators just as much as the victims.  Our casts off will be another persons treasure and our treasure will be thrown into the reject bin by some other ungrateful S.O.B.  But we’re always focusing on the people ahead of us who we’re reaching after, not the ones who are faithfully lagging behind carrying our dry cleaning. Thus, perhaps the best way to bring our karmic retribution to an equilibrium once more, is to throw the people on our hooks back into the ocean and maybe when we separate ourselves and swim solo for a while, we will finally be caught by someone for the keeps.